Writing question
Think of a time when you played an exciting and active game with other children. Describe your experience.
This could be imaginary or real. How did it seem to you then? Write the first paragraph of a description.
You should use the following:
- Overall impression and close-up details.
- Interesting imagery.
- The senses.
- Accurate punctuation.
Make sure to explain where you are.
Practise this exact question with personalised feedback on your writing.
Understand the task
Capture the energy of a game in one sharply focused opening paragraph. Establish where the children are, then move between the big picture and a tactile, fast-moving moment.
- sensory imagery
- viewpoint
- sentence rhythm
- precision
Requirements to keep in mind
Write only the first paragraph; explain the location; use overall and close-up detail.
Plan your response
- Write only the first paragraph, as requested.
- Explain exactly where the game takes place.
- Combine the overall scene with a vivid close-up detail.
- Use sounds, movement and physical sensations.
- Check commas, full stops and any speech punctuation.
Check your response against the task requirements. Leave time to review sentence clarity, punctuation and spelling.
Original atoply example response
Written by atoply, not an official school answer or mark scheme. Other successful responses are possible.
Reveal example and teaching notes
The playground seemed enormous when we burst onto it that afternoon, shouting as though the whole school belonged to us. We were playing capture the flag, and I could already hear my teammates' trainers squeaking across the tarmac. A cool wind slapped my cheeks as I sprinted behind the climbing frame, where the metal bars glimmered after a shower. At the far end of the playground, our bright yellow flag flapped like a warning signal. Someone yelled my name. I twisted round just in time to see Sam racing towards me, his face crimson with effort and his hand stretched out to tag my shoulder. My heart hammered against my ribs; my breath came in sharp little bursts. I dodged past a puddle, leapt over a fallen skipping rope and heard the laughter of the other children rising behind me. The game had only just begun, but already it felt like the most important race in the world.
Learn from the example
- Concrete details build an impression of the subject. Notice how those choices work together rather than reading as a list of general adjectives.
- The viewpoint controls what the reader notices. Choose details and an order that sustain the task's requested perspective and atmosphere.