Source passage (adapted)
The shore was fledged with palm trees. These stood or leaned or reclined against the light and their green feathers were a hundred feet up in the air. The ground beneath them was a bank covered with coarse grass, torn everywhere by the upheavals of fallen trees, scattered with decaying coconuts and palm saplings. Behind this was the darkness of the forest proper and the open space of the scar. Ralph stood, one hand against a grey trunk, and screwed up his eyes against the shimmering water. Out there, perhaps a mile away, the white surf flinked on a coral reef, and beyond that the open sea was dark blue. Within the irregular arc of coral the lagoon was still as a mountain lake--blue of all shades and shadowy green and purple. The beach between the palm terrace and the water was a thin stick, endless apparently, for to Ralph's left the perspectives of palm and beach and water drew to a point at infinity; and always, almost visible, was the heat.
He jumped down from the terrace. The sand was thick over his black shoes and the heat hit him. He became conscious of the weight of clothes, kicked his shoes off fiercely and ripped off each stocking with its elastic garter in a single movement. Then he leapt back on the terrace, pulled off his shirt, and stood there among the skull-like coconuts with green shadows from the palms and the forest sliding over his skin. He undid the snake-clasp of his belt, lugged off his shorts and stood there, looking at the dazzling beach and the water.
Writing instruction
Despite the apparent perfection of the desert island, the passage suggests the potential for danger and negativity lurking beneath it. Write a description of the island that develops these threatening aspects.
Things you could include might be:
- Describe more of the island setting
- Explore Ralph's feelings on the island
- Describe what Ralph does next
Practise this exact question with personalised feedback on your writing.
Understand the task
Transform the same island’s beauty into something uneasy without abandoning the passage’s physical details. Let Ralph notice signs of danger among the palms, surf and forest.
- contrast
- atmosphere
- literary continuity
- foreshadowing
Requirements to keep in mind
Describe the island’s threatening aspects and Ralph’s feelings/actions.
Plan your response
- Use threatening hints already present in the extract.
- Contrast the lovely beach with the darker forest.
- Show Ralph’s unease through movement and attention.
- Use sound and smell to build tension.
- Continue the scene rather than inventing an unrelated disaster.
Check your response against the task requirements. Leave time to review sentence clarity, punctuation and spelling.
Original atoply example response
Written by atoply, not an official school answer or mark scheme. Other successful responses are possible.
Reveal example and teaching notes
Ralph looked again towards the forest. From the bright beach it had seemed green and inviting, but now he saw how closely the trees were packed together. Their leaves formed a roof that shut out almost every trace of daylight.
A movement disturbed the undergrowth. He turned sharply, but whatever had been there was already hidden. Only a broad leaf continued to tremble.
The heat pressed against his bare shoulders. When he stepped away from the water, the ground changed from soft sand to tangled roots and sharp fragments of shell. A sweet, rotting smell drifted from the fallen coconuts. Flies gathered in the shade.
He had thought the island was silent. Now he could hear an insect's thin, endless whine and the sudden cries of birds deep among the branches. A shadow swept over him, though there was not a cloud in the sky.
Ralph glanced back at the lagoon. Its smooth surface appeared wonderfully calm, but beyond the reef the ocean heaved and broke into white foam. The stretch of water that separated him from the horizon seemed much wider than it had before.
He picked up a broken branch and held it as he approached the edge of the forest. One careful step revealed a dark opening between the trunks. Something inside gave a heavy rustle.
Ralph stopped. For the first time, the island no longer seemed to be waiting for him alone.
Learn from the example
- Concrete details build an impression of the subject. Notice how those choices work together rather than reading as a list of general adjectives.
- The viewpoint controls what the reader notices. Choose details and an order that sustain the task's requested perspective and atmosphere.