Elvira Enters the Next Room - King’s College School 11+ - 2024
Source passage
At the heart of the wood, Elvira found what she was looking for: a two storeyed red brick house, a quarter of its tiled roof gone, as though untidily pecked at by some gigantic bird! A house with cobwebbed windows, cracked or glassless, and a front door that tapped in the breeze like a thoughtful finger.
With a dry mouth and a drumming heart that she normally associated with birthdays or Christmas morning, Elvira pushed at the front door. She found herself in a cobweb-festooned hallway, with a dimly lit staircase ahead of her.
Elvira was fully aware of the hazards involved in climbing a wooden stair in a building that was partly derelict. An insatiable bookworm, she devoured anything in print, including the local newspaper which specialised in detailed and colourful reports of reckless children who had fallen through the rotten floorboards of disused mills and factories. She was determined not to follow suit. Before mounting each step, therefore, she banged hard with the heel of her right boot along the whole length of the tread in order to find any weak spot. The effect was startling. Not only did her heel break through the pulpy wood at several points, but the whole building seemed suddenly to come alive. There was noise and movement everywhere: above her head, in the walls, beneath her feet. Patterings. Rushings. Scufflings. Squeaks. An occasional flutter of wings.
"It's all right. It's only me," she called out reassuringly. And her voice echoed round the small landing. There was an immediate, profound hush. Elvira she had a vision of hundreds of diamond eyes, twitching noses, whisking tails and scrabbling claws frozen into immobility, their owners crouching petrified in the dark netherworld that was their home. "Poor little old things!" she mumbled, half-ashamed, and pushed at the door to her right. The wood was warped and swollen and it opened reluctantly with a rheumaticky groan.
Writing task
Write TWO more paragraphs in a similar style to the passage, describing the next room that Elvira enters. Include the following details:
- a source of light;
- an unexpected sound;
- an unusual object.
💡 Writing Tips
- •
- Write exactly two paragraphs.
- •
- Keep Elvira curious but careful, as in the source.
- •
- Make the light, unexpected sound and unusual object unmistakable.
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- Use lively sound words and comparisons that suit the passage.
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- End with a discovery that invites the story to continue.
📝 Sample Answer
A pale shaft of sunlight slipped through a hole in the ceiling and settled upon the room's only table. Elvira stood in the doorway, blinking. Beneath a thick quilt of dust lay a silver bowl, a pile of yellowing maps and a curious glass globe filled with what looked like blue smoke. The floorboards were no healthier than those on the staircase; she tested each one with her boot before moving closer. Something rustled in the chimney. She froze. Then came an unexpected sound: three clear notes, as though a tiny bell were being rung somewhere behind the walls. There was no one to be seen.
Elvira leaned towards the glass globe. Although the room was bitterly cold, its surface felt warm beneath her fingertips. The smoke inside curled into the shape of a miniature bird, spread its wings and vanished. She snatched her hand away, nearly knocking a chair over. Somewhere overhead, claws pattered across the rotten ceiling, followed by another musical chime. Elvira's heart thudded, but curiosity pressed harder than fear. Carefully, she set the globe back on the table. The blue mist swirled again, this time forming a single word on the glass: LOOK.
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