Describing Emotions and Characters
Replace flat statements like “he was sad” with vivid writing that reveals emotion and character naturally. Use behaviour, dialogue, thoughts, and setting to show, not tell.
Show, Don’t Tell: Four Channels
1) Action
Hands, posture, movement reveal emotion.
Tell: She was nervous.
Show: She folded the letter twice, then twice again, until it bit into her palm.
2) Dialogue
What’s said—and how—reveals feeling and personality.
“It’s fine,” he said, picking at a loose thread. “Totally… fine.”
3) Thought
Interior monologue gives depth—but use sparingly.
I should smile. Just smile. Don’t ask about the broken window.
4) Setting Echo
Let the environment mirror the emotion.
The party thumped on; in the hallway the clock ticked too loudly, like a polite complaint.
From Trait to Evidence
Choose a trait, then show two pieces of “evidence”.
Brave →
He stepped first into the tunnel, lamp rattling in his grip but moving forward anyway.
Kind →
She pretended not to notice the mistake, sliding the correct sheet across with her elbow.
Arrogant →
“You can copy mine,” he said, already turning away.
Avoiding Clichés and Over-telling
❌ Tears “streaming down her face” every time someone is sad.
❌ “My heart was pounding” for every tense moment.
✅ Swap for fresher images that fit the scene: “The joke landed, and no one caught it. Heat crept up my neck.”
Mini Makeovers
Tell
Tom was furious with me for losing the key.
Show
Tom placed the spare key on the table and pushed it towards me with one finger.
Tell
I was embarrassed.
Show
I laughed a second too late and watched my shoe for the rest of the conversation.
Quick Toolkit
- □1 action + 1 detail to show each emotion
- □Use gesture and posture before naming feelings
- □Let dialogue carry subtext (what’s unsaid)
- □Avoid repeated “heart racing/sweaty palms” clichés
Practice
Prompt: Show a character who is jealous without using the word “jealous”. 140–180 words. Use action + dialogue + one setting echo.
Plan: trait → two pieces of evidence.